Confusion causes STRESS

Being confused and having soo many thoughts running through the mind only creates more & more stress for a person. I have been doing fine w/ the whole situation between me & LOMLF, like i have continued to smile & have not been my usual self of always crying & fighting.. all that nonsense. So to say the least, I think I am actually growing up which is a good thing. Not only to say that I have others who support me & encourage me & be there for me to get it all out!. But now .. I think I have created a new dilemma for myself. What am I going to do about school...

I'm not at the school of my dreams.. or where I wanted to be because of financial issues; granted, everything does happen for a reason. But I had my heart set on attending Howard University for the fall 08' to only have to make a choice; either sacrifice coming home for holidays because of cost of attendance or go to school closer to home & family & be able to come home. Well of course I chose to go to school closer rather than having my family in a bad situation right. Okay so now, I am here!. But since I got here, I had already made up my mind that I would stay for 2 or 3 yrs & then transfer to UA for their pharmacy program/college. But recently sitting here thinking about what I do & do not have HERE. I have been contemplating to speed up the transfer process & leave fall 09'... but yet again finances come into play. Going from paying close to nothing for school to.. ah. lets say a little less than $30,000. & I FOR SURE DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK HOME. I will stay HERE before I go back home, granted, home would save me more money, I would have a job, & a car. But am I willing to sacrifice?? Seems as if I would be back tracking in my life instead of moving forward. But I have seen.. those who stayed home for 4 yrs. graduated & then moved on & also those who have... gone away for 4 yrs & then went back home. But I just dont think leaving & going back would be soo safe!. Idk. so Right now.. i am confused & i knw it is going to soon turn to stress & fustration. ugh which i want neither. So until next time I guess. I am going to give myself some time to think about it & talk to my family & she what conclusions & agreements we can all come to!.

XOXO.

E.SHELLE.

NO ONE...

NO ONE CAN:

-SMILE BRIGHT AS ME
-LAUGH LIK ME
-CARE LIKE ME
-HUG LIK ME
-SMELL LIK ME
-BE A FRIEND LIK ME
-HELP LIK ME
-APPRECIATE LOVE LIK ME
-CRY LIK ME
-TELL YU ITS GONNA BE OK LIK ME
-SUPPORT YU LIK ME
-& LASTLY... LOVE LIK ME!

WANNA KNOW WHY??

B/C I CAN NEVER EVER BE DUPLICATED. ONE CAN TRY TO DUPLICATE ME OR THINK THEY ARE ME. BUT IN REALITY. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE ME [ask R.KELLY] he knows.

THERE IS ONLY ROOM FOR ONE E.SHELLE IN THIS WORLD. & SHE IS HERE. SO DON'T TRY & REPLACE ME .. DUPLICATE ME.. TRY TO BE LIK ME.. OR ENVY ME..

GET LIKE YOURSELF & LEARN HOW TO BE A "ME" NOT A WANNABE OR REJECT OF SOMEONE ELSE.

I CAN LOOK UP TO BIG SIS & BIG FRIENDS. SEEK THE DRIVE & AMBITION THEY HAVE.. BUT GUESS WHAT??

I WILL NEVER BE THEM. CUZ THERE IS ROOM IN THIS WORLD FOR ONE ME OF EACH OF US.

SO ALWAYS STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF!.

XOXO.

E.SHELLE. [only ONE ME]

WELCOME NOVEMBER...

AH.. so lets update my life i guess. I will be home in 25 days. I am soooo ready to go. I know its only for 5 days. but then I will be back in about 2 1/2 - 3 weeks. but I just need to go home as of right now. my last few days have been the craziest ever.

Right now:

I am feeling hecka sad because i am in my dorm room alone & i live w/ a party of 7.. & NO ONE is here. i mean i often times enjoy me peace & quiet. time alone. but right now IS NOT one of those times where i need to be alone. lik.. just the comfort of someone being close by. i dont need to talk to them or anything.. just knowing that i am not here alone & someone is close by. ugh. its times lik this when i just wanna pick up the phone, dial his number & use his voice to calm me. & make me feel protected. but nooo... whenever i'm havin' hard times & i want him.. i cant have him.

WHICH SUCKS. what is there to do when one is all alone?? ugh. this is when i always question myself why i dont have many friends?? i have them.. but very limited. mind yu, i do love the ones i have. but sometime i want more more more. but of course. we always want more when we cant have it.. or want something or someone when we know we cant have them. ugh.

HALLOWEEN 2008:

SUCKED.

ugh. gosh. i dont even wanna bring this issue up but its a part of my life & its going NO WHERE. so i might as well vent about it. not in detail but ugh. it is definitely a night to remember. & i'm always here for my friends & those that i care about. but yu know.. sometime when i need someone to be here for me. NO ONE IS HERE. the person i expect the most out of let me down. ugh. its just like that i guess. its all goodie though. so ah. yeah.. tomorrow i am going to church & i'm sure i will come out of there feeling lik a way better person than i do right now.

okay so. ah.. people are finally here & i finally feel a sense of relief.. so i guess i am headed to shower & bed now & expect a better day tomorrow than the past few days have been.

XOXO.

E.SHELLE.